On Saturday the trees were winterish. Today, they’re all covered in leaves and blossom, some have even lost the blossom already. Hayfever abounds… but… what a difference a few days makes, it’s quite astonishing the change, one or two sticks in the far distance refusing to get up for spring, whereas early risers are already giving up their blossom to the untidy patches of white on the floor…

oh dear Ipad

Hmmm, I need to get into the habit of actually updating this a bit more regularly but there you have it…

 

First off, the light box works good, sorta lifted the mood a bit, a touch more energy, but that doesn’t work so good when the other resident has back pain and irregular hours that you also have to keep. Just leaves you really nastily wiped. Still a  useful thing to have – phillips lightboxes  worth a go!

 

Second, with all the news out there, it’s hard to miss apple have issued the ipad 2. Now, we have a 3g backup modem dongle thingy, and thata out of it’s contract period. So… since we got a free netbook for having that… well I rang up, and they said “oh, okay, yes, would you like a free ipad and a ten gig upgrade on that for what you’re paying now?

 

So… Ipad arrives friday for beth.

 

Must eat more veg, life is dull, feeling crap most of the time for inexplicable reasons, seem to have randomly and without provocation started wearing my hair in a pigtail all the time again and the fridge works great if you defrost it every so often – otherwise it starts to eat electric.

 

Sorry this is all so scattered and random, just not at my best and overstressed I guess

 

I don’t even feel good about the ipad really. Too much shit in the world, feels apocalyptic and makes me feel… like a fraud, useless and frankly like I don’t deserve my existence. Depression. It’s kicking in hard, I keep apologising randomly for no reason.

 

 

Also trying to eat more apples, horrified to realise that I can’t recall if granny smith or bramley is the cooking apple or the eating apple. Nearly had a crying jag in the greengrocers over that

New Washing Machine

It’s a Beko, and it set us back many many wonga, but it arrived, it’s huge (7kg of load!) and grey and very very shiny, and we loved it, though it was very very worrisome watching how full it got while it was doing the “please run me through the wash cycle empty when you get me!” since of course the pipes are just ever so slightly shonky in the kitchen (and the bathroom, and the airing cupboard, and lets be honest here, everywhere, this place is a plumbing mess, they redo next doors pipes all the freaking time, they’re replacing their radiators (AGAIN!) and it’s making me sulky a little) with the slight possibility it would just pump too much water in the exit piper and flood the kitchen again (okay, I was being paranoid, but I’m entitled, right?)

Anyway, it’s all lovely and nice, and clothes washed in it come out mostly dry, which is a hell of an astonishment to me, and it’s so SILENT most of the time, though the spin cycle loaded is a little disconcerting, and the wash cycle on 40 deg A wash is… LONG (about 2 hours, which was a surprise) although there is a 30 minute quickwash programme

Anyway, it’s a new washing machine and it’s making me feel all growed up. Having lived on  a launderette standard when I first left home, there has been a washing machine (cheap but cheerful, about £60 of second hand model from Albany Appliances – good people) in every place since. Buying one from new and all shiny and modern with the energy rating (a+ !)  is just… the first signs of incipient middle age, and I’ve barely turned thirty!

An xmas compression

Good grief where does the time go when you’re having fun?

 

Dunno – I’ll write it up when I have some ^_^ Christmas was somewhat marred by the traditional arguments about “can’t afford” “does want” “but what the frag does want?!” and then further ballsed up by the great snow of xmas 2010 which more or less shut the UK down, and yes I was out in it the day (friday the 18 dec) when it all just came down in a white mess.

 

I caught a cold. It was miserable.

 

Bethy took it to extremes and caught a lung infection as well that laid her more or less semi-concious (certainly only barely semi-lucid) till nearly the new year. Food still hasn’t really become a regular fixture yet and I still have the turkey in the freezer waiting for cooking… ho hum.

 

Nice way to describe the day Beth sort of stopped really breathing in  any meaningful sense, and a rather desperate run to the chemist in the hopes of getting the steroids that would keep her out of the hospital for christmas but frankly at this point? I just don’t want to go back there. She suggests it may have been a light dose of pneumonia, which I don’t really disagree with… all I really know is that I had a cold, and she periodically couldn’t sit up, and the nebuliser wouldn’t clear her breathing. Not a fun thing.

 

Christmas post… well… it didn’t. so presents were in short supply due to me being a miserly tit, and because the post shut down dead and stopped the possibility of actually sending out for any anyway. Either way, I’d done a little prep so something was had by Bethy so that was nice. Apart from rampant illness xmas day itself was almost nice ^_^

 

hmm, I got a copy of the orange box (pc games) a cup, a new 2011 diary, and a new ring…

 

Oh that ring… story behind that one… I lost the ring that beth got me on her birthday (which I’m most fond of) so Bethy after chewing me a new one a lot and tiring of me pining around the house looking for it hopefully sent out for a new one. (also gold with a  small shard of diamond, also in the sub £20 category, but I don’t care I loves it!) anyway, day it arrives I find the original, and start on the guilt, so the new ring becomes a xmas present instead of a replacement. I now have about £30 of gold rings wif diamond fragments, but then again, I’m not too fussy – I still love my dirt cheap £3 silver ring ^_^

 

Bethy got…

A dolphin calendar

Back to the future box set (blue ray)

Doctor who (season 1-4) dvd

doctor who specials blue ray

Doctor who (season 5) blue ray

Ronnie Barker DVD collection

Season 5 Sonic screwdriver (working screwdriver – we both think this is ultra cool)

 

 

Things also arriving – MORE new clothes (MEGA YAY’S this has been a whinge for years), a new duvet (15 tog) toy story 3 (br) Sherlock (BR) new cups (there was this real problem with the little sods breaking, did I mention that? it wasn’t just the plastic ones,got some royal doulton ones (I like but they’re a tad small… one broke on first use..) hmmm I suddenly recall the superstition about how bad luck it is if cups break without being dropped… please let the bad luck be done now….) A train simulator game (she loves this) a big bottle of brandy, and a lightbox.

 

Hmmm. Skybox… Beth did plump to change this so the overdraft is wincing alot atm, but we has new 1tb skybox, and it’s okay, a touch smaller than the old models and it uses sky anytime plus, so we changed broadband from Be to sky.

This caused a shriek,since sky insist you use their router, no matter what the lying sods say on the phone. The old router is now serving stuff, with the sky router on the exterior. The residne tgeek was unimpressed, but it’s sorted now, or sorted enough anyway.

 

Goodness, it’s a big post and nothing is getting recorded in enough detail really, but what the hell, from that day in town where the snow meant Beth couldn’t have her wheelchair and had to walk (12 inch drifts by the time we got to off the 90 minutes of bus journey home (we weren’t sure we’d make it either!) epic whinging at sky about the box, how much we really liked the doctor who christmas special, the fact there were FOUR (count ‘em *4* cold weather payments – how often does that happen? at least the cold should be done for this year now… right? even if Scotland is still covered in snow (again))

 

more on the lightbox shortly.

 

Oh and just to piss me off, the only things we did watch over xmas were the Ronnie Corbett night and the xmas special, literally everything else is on the skybox, and there’s stuff to watch on dvd, stuff on the skybox, it’s too much! TOO MUCH I SAY!

 

wah. overloading lots.

What a month!

Urgle. Stress aboundeth. Having alifetime in term,s of things falling over and breaking. Last week I broke my cup. when half asleep I walked past it, knocked the handle with my knee, it fell to the ground and the collision broke it. So replacement was ordered.

Replacement was very attractive. Black, very stylish shape. Oh, and made out of plastic…. Not the ceramic you’d assume for a blasted five buck a go mug… good to 120 degrees centigrade, stylish, but… plastic. Still having lashed out £5 each on them, we were going to use them, we were going to use them. And today, when Id added hot water it shattered. Ever see a mug decide it’s had enough of this watertight bullshit? No? Well, if you do, try to do it with cold water and not 3/4 of a pint of scalding hit water. Stressy!

Anyway, Amazon was called, complaints were raised, “You poured hot water into it, it’s not amazons fault” said the heavily accented drone before rudely hanging up. Fortunately once I’d stopped freaking out about the rudeness and called back, they were much nicer, replacig the mug, apologising as well as offering a £5 gift cert as apology, as well as letting the manufacturer know there was an issue. Last thing some poor camper needs is that mug cracking in their lap while their sat in a field in ashby-de-la-zuch…

Also, the sky box is having a nervous breakdown – Beth spotted this before me, since it wakes her up when she naps… so we’ve been watching all the stuff off the hard drive, masses and masses of it, and now, it’s clear… the new sky box hasn’t arrived, isn’t that just typical? Switch to broadband with them, get 6 months half price and then… the new damn sky box doesn’t arrive… [sighs]

Then the council pops a “OI! we’ve tried to install you a letter box, but you weren’t there, let us or it’s JAIL!” letter through the letter box…. what a month…

Still… nice new clothes have arrived which greatly improves morale ^_^; The winter oncoming always makes me feel fatter, and the eczema is most unpleasant at the minute, which is a drag…

Sofa

Okay, it’s been a slow month, I ache, I’ve slept like hell (an armchair is not a comfy sleeping situation) but it’s over – today the new sofa arrived!

 

The had to take the arms off to get it around the corner of the stairs, but they did it, and now it’s done and in and actually looks quite good, and it’s soft and comfy… a touch higher than I was expecting (then again I was expecting to hate this, but it looks really good in the black), and just… nice ^_^

 

Not DFS delivery guys I note, and the did make rather a pigs ear of attaching the feet, but what the hell, it’s here!

 

Other news, UK spending review today, I’m sort of ambivalent towards all this, it’s kinda scary, and I just don’t know whats going to happen, and suddenly it’s the thought of “am I going to have money to eat next year….” it’s deeply freaky. Don’t like politics, too much like fighting.

 

And this one is gunna cause fights…

 

rings and games

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate games?

Didn’t think so. What’s the point of a game that you can’t sit down and let swallow you up, likewise what’s the point of a game that’s a constant little and often and pointless jobbie? I have no time for absorption, the last time I did, whooo! was I ever in trouble… Games in fact are trouble, because from my earliest memories when someone is playing a game, a shouting at is soon to follow, from mum asking for coffee, then when you take it in – arriving in the room is an excuse for “look what you did! You made me loose!”, through actually having a nice session in my teens of trying to get the handle of a 2d fighting game, sadly most of the rest of that memory fails in a midst of an enormous bout of the local flu (a variant that I’ve been assured is just pure EVIL by out of town residents who’ve moved in and caught it ^_^ )

Less said about the time I managed to play freecell for 24 hours straight without noticing when I was in my abortive university time… I don’t think I was very well physically, I know I wasn’t well mentally…

Anyway. I hate games. But I’d like to be able to play without guilt and to have the fun…

Bethy received her stuff from amazon from her dad’s gift of voucher, she got a nice set of fast show, so there’s something easy to just drop in the deck and not need to stress “ohhh this is an hour and you have to concentrate, this is a whole film, this is a series you need to watch all the parts of..” Issues that are not fun for when you’re not feeling well mentally…

And she bought me a little gold ring with .015 carat of diamond…. it’s only little and cheap but I suspect I’m chuffed to pieces, for all I don’t do jewellery as a rule – anyway, I can say I have a diamond ring now ^_^

Sadly still coming apart at the seems over perceptions financially, the sofa did cost the extra £100, but no other costs, no extra deliveries or restock costs, but still – stressed. How the hell do you tell someone they need to quit smoking not just because it means they get an asthma attack every night and can’t breath easily, but because you can’t afford it… I mean, yes I know I did, but I’m also a freak of nature, and also had been wanting to quit for a while. (In fact nearly did quit till a very bad thing happened that caused muchos stress in that period)

Perhaps Beth will cancel that server we never actually use – still that all depends on a friend getting in touch with us… and if he doesn’t by the end of the month, he’s off the shared server. since we pay the whole amount anyway it doesn’t make any difference, but perhaps we can canx and save £40 a month, and THAT is not small beans…

Random thought – why the hell are there mince pies and christmas themes party nibbles already on supermarket shelves? November? I can see… September? WTF?!

what a week.

The rebuild of the lounge since it was all a bit piled high with well… stuff (and dust) was proceeding apace, starting with the bed and the new couch… so, all gets done, much back-breaking toil has gone ahead and then… the sofa ARRIVES!

glee, joy, having woken early to sort everything  just ahead of their arrival, even with Bethy annoyed for me faffing, it’s done! GLEE!

And then it just sort of … goes wrong.

Delivery driver shows up, takes last of the money, says it’s a tight squeeze… hold this door here, then as it comes in starts to come up the stairs, ot loops, takes a different angle goes back, then… starts retreating down the street, “sorry” says they, “it doesn’t fit you can’t have it… and drive away with the magical much dreamt of sofa of magical magicalness (it’s a sofa okay, but this one was the one we’d bought and that makes it more special than anyone elses, OKAY?!)

a couple of hours of sitting down and essentially crying in let down and shockand we go out to see what can be done at the local DFS.

Out comes the new wheelchair.

Can we say I am very very tired, it hurts my knees and that it’s no fun getting on and off buses. Anyway, the chair is a dream on proper flat and awful on everything else, disability is not high on city planners planning since the whole of town is full of blind aids (lumpy floors) or bicycle stoppers (again, more lumpy bumpies and nasty uncomfy ones too…)

so, new sofa in a month or so, delivery of demo sofa Wednesday, sofa we liked not going to fit and frankly I feel like shit, and tomorrow is beths birthday and I have to be very nice and make sure she has a good day, when frankly my week went to hell – I’m still gutted about that sofa. till it happens to you you will never understand the visceral pain and misery it entails…

feeling really poor now

still broke

well… they say a month is a long time in politics, surprisingly it’s been a long time since the tribunal. That got dealt with and then all the money arrived, and then that all went away (although the new sideboard, tv stand, bed and couch should make the lounge a nicer place to live along with  providing a lot more storage so stuff doesn’t get piled everywhere and cause dust) so the feeling of financial dread really hasn’t gone away.

In exciting news bethy bought a wheelchair, so that when we go to town instead of her getting utterly exhausted cranky, short, and then spending three days on her arse in pain when she gets back we can go and have fun. then I remembered the hill at the top of the road. we shall see.

Games, she bought some of those, mostly valve ones, and is having no fun, since the orange box for PS3 is no on steam so gets no updates, and the orange box on win 7 is having a hell of  a time with permissions, needing to be reinstalled. no fun there.

Though she does roxor at Portal, having run through it twice in a day just for the dev commenatary. also we discovered what invert mouselook does on a console – it lets you treat your look stick as a mouse, so puch forwards, look down, just like veteran gamers expect.

I still suck horridly and am utterly exhausted by all the moving of furniture which beth can’t help with, like taking out the old fridge and couch (hard work, heavy, actually somewhat simple one worked out the pivot trick for the fridge) then the assembly of the sideboard (not so bad, just time consuming and a matter of checking the instructions carefully for what went where then having to screw the back pieces on which left ‘oooge blister in my palm, but I’m quite proud of the work, though I don’t feel like I did much) and shifting all the stuff around the house (creating an upstairs geek den, carrying stuff about, doing all the damn cleaning myself….) followed by that unsettled feeling I’ve done not enough anyway matched to the feeling of uselessness and total exhaustion.

And Mike still owes us £140 that would make me relax a lot about now, since I’m very scared about money and what’s coming next witht eh government and cuts and esa/ib messups changeovers and medicals and the desire to go crawl away and cry myself to sleep… I can’t work right now… I want to but I’d come apart at the seems then freak then get fired then have to jump under a bus. I CAN’T HANDLE THAT STUFF!

Very very tired right now. can’t even get enthused about the automated librarian at the local library. not with such a shitty selection of books…

Finally …

the letter from the tribunal arrived Friday, it’s officially OVER. I can relax now, I have paperwork to close that goddamn mess out my head. so about £112o should be incoming soon, and so should the raising of benefit back to full Income Support levels. Appeal rate is less than jobseekers allowance rate, so it’s insane…

Anyway. It’s done.

In other news a game was purchased. It’ s Naughty bear. Looks a tad samey, but there’s a lot of fun replayablity in it, and lets face it, beating twisted evil teddies to death with axes is never gunna lose it’s fun.

Hopefully I get to watch my treat from town – a copy of evangelion rebuild 1.11 you are (not) alone. fingers crossed it’s any good… the original eva was pretty cool as a TV show, but the films were evil scary, so here’s hopping Anno took his meds this time ^^;

Want the feeling of uselessness and depression to go away now…